X-men Origins: Wolverine

...uhhhh...

Seriously!?

How could Marvel Comics or Fox allow this ABOMINATION of a film to be made?

This movie should've been called Weapon F. For Weapon Fail.

Just to warn people in advance, this is a long rant post. Lot's of information jumping all over the place.

Now my friends can attest, I'm generally a very forgiving person when it comes to judging films. There are many films I really like that are very terrible, and I will fully acknowledge that ahead of time. I didn't get to see it in the theater, and all my buddies told me I would've been pissed. They were putting it nicely, and immensely understated. I rented this at the Redbox for $1.07, and feel I have overpaid by at least $5. I hope my rental money goes to destroying this copy.

Now I should tell you I have a particular love of the Weapon X story. Specifically because one of the two comics that got me positively addicted to comics as a kid was Marvel Comics Presents issue 77. It was part 5 of Barry Windsor Smith's positively unbelievable Weapon X story, which I picked up at the Food-N-Fuel gas station in like 1990-91. I read this single issue with almost religious love. It wasn't like all the other lame comics on the shelf. No Mickey or Donald.(Although the current stuff with Disney...) No Superman. No "kiddie" stuff. This was full on blood and gore. Dark and realistic violence, and almost a psychological horror. This is the type of action I grew up on with movies like Aliens and Predator. The quality I craved. Even at the young age of 11. (On a Side note, the other comic that heavily influenced me, that I've also read about a bazillion times, was Uncanny X-men 276. Which led to my love of Gambit, all style and charm in action.)

This particular movie deserves a harsher judgement than I give to other movies. Marvel and Fox can afford both the money and the time to develop a movie that can compete with something like The Dark Knight. With The Dark Knight setting a standard for what a "comic book movie" can and should be, the amazing potential they can have. Did Marvel/Fox learn nothing???

I mean, COME ON MARVEL/FOX! They went from X-men(maybe a B), to X-men 2(A-ish), to the piece-o-crap X-men:United(I'd give it a C). They somehow engineered a movie even worse.

Remember Spider-Man 3? Should I even remind people of the horrendous Fantastic Four movies. (They did have some things I enjoyed- The silver Surfer was handled well. Galactus on the other hand? One of the best Marvel villains ever. Not even handled close to OK.)

Ok- About the movie. I did really like the credits sequence. Dirty and grungy. Marvel could've added that to the entire film and it may have enhanced the viewing experience a little. I also liked Gambit's scenes very much. The best scenes are his most definitely. For a majority of the film, the CG work is just dreadful. B movie quality. Quite sad actually.

I am struggling to find a magic bullet to make me forget this movie. Time may help wipe it from my mind.

I heard there may be another movie. I can only hope they learn from this unholy mess and make a better film. Marvel and Fox need to take lessons from The Dark Knight. The fanboys want a true to comics movie, that also caters to the non-comic-reading public or average movie goer. Something that isn't just a stream of ridiculous action. Something with serious potential.

I heard there was an alternative end credits scene with Logan in a Japanese bar. They may need to look to the Frank Miller series where he fights with Lord Shingen. A great sword duel that ends with an "Oh My God!" moment. It could be a redeeming thing for Marvel movies. I think 300 and Sin City are decent proof Miller makes a good story.

I'm waiting Marvel.

Complaints and crap on characters:

Wolverine/Logan/James/Pansy. Whatever name he goes by, he is definitely not a man. Oh noes! I'm not an animal, whah!!! Grow up you freakin cry-baby. You have lived a long time, participated in multiple wars, lost a bunch of friends and are acting like a damned emo teenager. Hugh Jackman was awesome in The Prestige(A) and even better in The Fountain(A+), so I can't blame him for this crappy ass movie.

Wolverine should have earned his name, not picked it from a story his love told him way back when. The whole of the Weapon X procedure he had flashbacks from in the other movies totalled what, like 5 minutes? Where was all this torturous training? Where was the captivity? The being tested and pushed into a state of animal-like living? Fighting for survival in a compound, striving against nature? Where was the fight with a million soldiers while trying to break out?

He was too clean. Logan shouldn't be so pretty, with nice lustrous hair? He should be animalistic. Rough and savage. It would help show his "struggle" with being a man. There needed to be more struggle with nature of both internal and external on the trek back to humanity. A hugely symbolic trip. Where was it? Oh, right! They weren't anywhere. So he was having terrifying flashbacks from a 10 minute process that hurt a lot. He's a regenerating person, I'm sure it was fine, he's probably felt much worse. How many bullets and knives has he been wounded by? Lord knows what else he might have accidentally been hurt by? Falling from WAY up high? Grenade to the face, landmine in the crotch, whatever.

There is also the amazing issue of the damn "magic" adamantium bullets. HELLO! Does adamantium heal? Why did the scans by Professor X not show the bullet holes in X-men 1? Or when he smashed his head open all the other times? Did they even come out the back of his head, or bounce around inside his metal skull scrambling all that gray matter? So, he can heal and remember all the rudimentary functions, and plenty of parts of memories, but not any specifics? Well, I guess it was only like a 5 to 10 minute procedure. So small, it would be easy to get eradicated by a magic bullet.

...and they wasted the "I'm the best there is at what I do" line. He was all nonchalant saying it. He was like, "Eh, yeah, I'm the best and stuff, and it's not very nice... Bub." Then after a short pause he shrugs and says, "Meh."

The Blob, well played, decent make-up, and good accent. Why didn't they just leave him a fat guy. Not a super tough guy with an eating disorder.

Agent Zero? In the comics he is also called Maverick. And can see slightly into the future. Not just a guy that can shoot guns really well.

Silver Fox. Sure she's hot, and acted well, but why turn her into this ridiculous person. If Sabretooth was immune to her suggestion power because of his healing, why wasn't Wolverine? (There was an implied part with Stryker shaking his head at her revealing her true feelings)

And when she "died" the first time, did he just leave her body there in the woods to be found by his coworkers? No funeral? WTF? What kind of husband screams into the air at their spouses demise, and just leaves.

Sabretooth is quite well done. I absolutely love Liev Schreiber. He's great in The Ten. He was a vicious bastard. Having the smug attitude of a borderline immortal, he was quite nicely portrayed as such. If Stryker "needed" Logan's power so bad why didn't they just take the SAME ONE from Sabretooth???

Wraithe- Terrible in the fight scenes. Nightcrawler was handled well, they screwed this potential up bad. He's a teleporter. He would hit-and-port to out of reach. Especially if you knew the enemy, and was familiar with their dangerousness.

Stryker. Definitely a massive step down from Bryan Cox. Not a believable enough douschebag.

Deadpool was cast perfectly. Even though Mr. Reynolds played Hannibal in Blade Trinity, thus being 2 characters in the same universe. His schtick is witty quips, and being a general embarrassment. I believe they made a huge mistake in sewing his mouth shut. Couldn't he just cut it open, with the healing ability to take care of the rest? And apparently swinging swords in a figure eight constantly in front of you will deflect bullets coming from all directions, even from the back.

After the procedure he became a computer driven idiot. He didn't even display the electronic manipulator guy's power, so why did they take it? Why the hell did Wolverine decide to fight him on the top of the tower anyway? After his head got chopped of and fell, it sure as heck wouldn't fall in a nice spiral pattern. After the credits his body reaches for his head, and gives the "shhhh..." here's a secret thing.

I can't believe I'm still writing this. It makes me very unhappy. Too much energy wasted on this giant steamy pile of crap.

I thoroughly liked Gambit. (from my love of comics mentioned above-he was the reason I loved Uncanny X-men 276) With the exception of him doing a slow motion cartwheel from fire escape to fire escape, he had the best scenes. Love the card tricks and the subtle glows when he uses his powers. Great charm and charisma. A character Marvel needs to use to good measure in future films.

Although a couple more issues come up with the film in his scenes. And my least favorite part. How the hell did Gambit get from laying on the street after taking an adamantium elbow to the face, to running towards the fight on the top of the roof?

And: the absolutely ludicrous scene where Wolverine is chopping chunks off the fire escape off like an old cartoon to get Gambit down. Once again, WTF?

Side notes: I liked Cyclops. But, Emma Frost? Outrageous. The Storm scene from the trailer? Nowhere to be found.

I also noticed what looked to be a slew off cameos in the island captivity cells. I believe I caught Toad licking his lips and Quicksilver strung up so he can't move. I forgot the other ones I may have seen, as this was days ago.